Commitment is such a serious word. Do you ever notice yourself getting a little on edge when someone uses “that word?” Does it make you a little nervous? Does it give you a feeling of dread?
The third leg of the Three-Legged Stool to Building Solid Relationships, taught in Certified Relationship Coach Training, is “commitment.” We have all probably experienced some level of commitment, from marriage vows, to work-related contracts, to “promises” we’ve made. So what does “commitment” really mean and how does it truly show-up in our lives and relationships?
A first question to explore is “What am I committed to?” which is different than saying “What do I want?” For many people, it’s pretty easy to make a wish list of “our wants.” That list may serve as a nice and gentle reminder, but that’s all it is: a list.
Here’s an example: If you are an Amazon.com user, you may have an online “Wish List” noting your “wants.” Obviously, they remain on that “wish list” until you or someone actually purchases the product, and makes it a reality for you and it arrives at your doorstep. That commitment is making a purchase, which results in you receiving what you want.
Only when we move from wants and wishes to a commitment (in the Amazon example, a purchase), do we begin to see and experience real results. We may desire or want many things but only from commitment will we create what we say we want.
Commitment is getting clear about intention and is a promise to honor our word, to ourselves and to others. It also requires seeing and understanding what is underneath our beliefs, attitudes and assumptions that may get in the way when we’re reluctant to commit, or when we do commit and break our word. The good news is (we believe) that all humans are born whole and complete; with qualities and “ways of being” that allows us to be our authentic selves. Unfortunately, we’ve learned ways to unconsciously begin to create beliefs about who we are and who we are not. Those beliefs create patterns that impact how we see and experience commitment. Understanding these patterns can help us begin to do things differently, especially around commitment.
Broken promises or commitments in relationships are well-known as a path to breaking trust, which impacts communication (the two other legs of the stool). Breaking the same promises or commitments with ourselves is even more critical. If we are not willing to keep commitments with ourselves, (eating healthy, arriving on time, adjusting an attitude, exercising on schedule, etc.), then how difficult will it be to keep our word with others, no matter the relationship?
In Certified Relationship Coach Training, you will learn to experience “commitment” in a new way that leaves you on the edge of excitement, not dread. You will explore more about the Three-Legged Stool and learn tools and skills that will help you coach relationships, as well as grow in your relationship with yourself. Like Lou said last week, knowing more about commitment, trust and communication will keep your stool stable, and not wobbly.
Lou Dozier, Co-Founder, Source Point Training