Trust in Transition

LDheadshotDuring challenging times of transition, know that you don’t have to do it alone!  Enjoy this heart-warming story that I received from Martha Borst, renowned speaker, author, organizational consultant and coach.

The Best Proof of Love is Trust

by Dr. Joyce Brothers

“Just up the road from my home is a field, with two horses in it.

brown-horse-grazingFrom a distance, each horse looks like any other horse.  But if you stop your car, or are walking by, you will notice something quite amazing.

Looking into the eyes of one horse will disclose that he is blind. His owner has chosen not to have him put down, but has made a good home for him.

This alone is amazing. If you stand nearby and listen, you will hear the sound of a bell. Looking around for the source of the sound, you will see that it comes from the smaller horse in the field.

Attached to the horse’s halter is a small bell. It lets the blind friend know where the other horse is, so he can follow.

As you stand and watch these two friends, you’ll see that the horse with the bell is always checking on the blind horse, and that the blind horse will listen for the bell and then slowly walk to where the other horse is, trusting that he will not be led astray.

When the horse with the bell returns to the shelter of the barn each evening, it stops occasionally and looks back, making sure that the blind friend isn’t too far behind to hear the bell.”

So, whatever transition you might be experiencing in your life right now, you are not alone and there are resource available to you.

By Lou Dozier, Co-Founder & Executive Vice President

 

The Power of a “State” Change!

Lou Dozier, Executive VP and Co-Founder

Many of you have heard me frequently say that New York City is my favorite city in the world!  Last year at this time, the ny President and Executive Vice President of ICF-NYC, Laurie Lawson and Terry Yoffee, graciously invited me to present to their chapter this week on Relationship Coaching: The Greatest Demand for the Next Generation.  Needless to say, I was easily enrolled in spending a week in NYC.

Recently, I have found myself less energetic than my norm.  I haven’t pinpointed exactly the source of my ‘lethargy’ but it has been very real.  As I stepped off the plane in New York, an amazing ‘transformation’ began to take place.

For me, NYC has pulsing energy, excitement, diversity, and freedom and I experienced myself drinking it all in and it flowing through me.  NYC is an ‘anchor’ for me about all that is possible and about living my best life right now.  As you may or may not know, anchors can be powerful in creating a ‘state’ change in someone.  A foundational principle of neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) is that any action, behavior or emotion can be changed instantly as soon as a person’s “state” can change. 

That is what occurred for me as I got off that plane.  I find that my stride is longer, purposeful, looking straight ahead, shoulders back, I am focused and determined.  My limbs feel leaner and longer.  My breathing is deeper and slower.  My internal dialogue seems to shift to thinking outside of the box, imagining that anything is possible, that of course I have everything it takes to create what I declare!  My spirit soars!  I feel connected to humanity in a sacred way.  I am SUPER WOMAN!

In talking with others, I realize we all have ‘anchors’ that can create this change.  One facilitator I know experiences a complete change of energy when she puts on her ‘business suit’ to step into a training.  For others it might be a favorite song, a lovely smell, or a taste that takes you back to your childhood.

Here are a few simple questions to ask yourself to access a state change:

Acknowledge the “state/frame of mind” you are currently in.

What is the “state/frame of mind” you wish to be in?

When did you feel/experience that desired state in your past – think of a very specific time/event that epitomizes the state you desire?

What “anchor” do you associate to that prior experience?  Maybe it was a smell, an object, what you were wearing, etc.

Know that just as you had that desired state in that prior moment, you can, in connecting with your anchor, bring that state to you in any moment.

Being in NYC is a great reminder that I am always in control of my life experience.  I can always create this sense of power and puropse when I put myself in a “NY state of mind.

Transition Trends in Developing Leaders

barbara-fagan
It has become clear in the last couple of years that our world is changing and going through transition in ways that most of us have never experienced, from weather patterns, to finances, to healthcare and education. In one of our previous Source Points issues, I discussed the stages of Change – 1) Resistance, 2) Becoming open, 3) Practicing something new and then finally 4) Internalization where it becomes automatic.

Times of change can be very stressful; yet, in the end, there is always something new that evolves from the transition.

Just as our congress is grappling with what to do with our budget to have our country remain viable and our people financially secure, there are choices to be made.  I have always believed that from any breakdown there is always the opportunity to have a breakthrough. 

In reading current training and development articles, I am excited to see the transition that is occurring in the way people take on personal development and learning. 

At Source Point Training we have been proud to be on the leading edge of training for what I believe will be the next generation of leaders, coaches, and facilitators of change.

Here are some trends that will create the transition for our educational systems and our leaders of tomorrow. 

Feeding the pipeline for the next generation of leaders. Companies around the country are facing the very real challenge of developing the next generation of leaders as the Baby Boomers prepare to leave the work force. This will require revolutionary new ways to train and develop people.

Coaching is now a standard way of leading and managing within organizations.  Coaching for family systems has taken on a new level of creating value for families managing with today’s demands from finance, to education, to careers.  Group coaching is a new way of working with people to come together with common goals and having the support of a group and a professional coach to guide them to achieve the results they want in life.

Improvisational Learning Systems. More and more people want to learn by doing. Training and educational systems are designing more ways to learn from the old improve model. Make it up – play with it and create in the moment.  The next generation of professionals will need the skills of learning the value of requisite variety.   That means – the element in a system with the most flexibility will be the controlling element. This applies from parenting to being competitive in a global market.

When we look at transition and managing change the following areas are always good to examine:

What is my Purpose and Vision?

What competencies do I have/will I need to develop

What coaching is needed?

At Source Point Training, we are pleased to be in relationship with many individuals who are involved in this transition and to be co-creators of developing training, coaching and family educational support systems that will revolutionize the way we participate in our world. Together, we will, as we have proven for centuries, evolve to higher levels of self-awareness and new technology to move forward.

To the Moon and Back Scotty!!!

By Barbara Fagan, Co-Founder & President

 

Feeback – It’s Everywhere!

The House of 1000 Mirrors by: Author Unknown, Japanese Folktale Happy Puppy

Long ago in a small, far away village, there was a place known as the House of 1000 Mirrors. A small, happy little dog learned of this place and decided to visit. When he arrived, he bounced happily up the stairs to the doorway of the house. He looked through the doorway with his ears lifted high and his tail wagging as fast as it could. To his great surprise, he found himself staring at 1000 other happy little dogs with their tails wagging just as fast as his. He smiled a great smile, and was answered with 1000 great smiles just as warm and friendly. As he left the House, he thought to himself, “This is a wonderful place. I will come back and visit it often.”

In this same village, another little dog, who was not quite as happy as the first one, decided to visit the House. He slowly climbed the stairs and hung his head low as he looked into the door. When he saw the 1000 unfriendly looking dogs staring back at him, he growled at them and was horrified to see 1000 little dogs growling back at him. As he left, he thought to himself, “That is a horrible place, and I will never go back there again.”

All the faces in the world are mirrors. What is the feedback you are receiving and what feedback are you reflecting back to others?  Are you doing it in a way of being in service to others?

As a leader, we recognize that we deliver feedback and receive it in many different ways. Here’s a tip you can apply and practice today from Source Point Training that will assist you in delivering feedback.  We call it the FORMS Feedback Model and as you practice this each day, notice the responses you get.

Remember that feedback is a tool to provide awareness; not a torch to make people or results wrong.

Factual – A factual act, not your interpretation or opinion.

Observable  – If you did not see or personally experience the situation, you are not able to give feedback, it’s really just “hearsay”.

Respectful  – Dominated by creating working results and relationships, not characterizations or judgments.

Measurable – Objective reality, “rocks are hard and water is wet”, must be backed up with empirical evidence.

Specific – Not a generalization or assessment; define the specific area or incident in which feedback is being provided.

So, the next time you would like to “tell someone what you think”, use the model above and see what a difference it will be for you and for the recipient of the feedback.

By Kelly Mobeck

Mastery – 4 Steps to Success!

Let’s face it – most of us would love to achieve a level of mastery in our lives.  Whether it is in pursuit of business success, a skill set that we see as valuable, a hobby, or a sport that excites us.  Achieving mastery is a goal for each of us in some area of our lives.  Mastery isn’t reserved for just the super talented or those who got an early start. It’s actually a lifelong journey.Baby Learning to Walk

In watching a baby take his first attempts at mastering the art of ‘walking’, it is clear that it has its ups and downs!  There are unsuccessful attempts, beginning success, uncertainty, falls, and finally success.  The steps to mastery are in the committed action to continue forward until success becomes habits, then ceativity leading to invention, then breaking through to a whole new level experienced as mastery.

So, what are the clear steps to achieve mastery?  What is the strategy that those having achieved mastery have followed?

1.  INSTRUCTION –  Be open to learning from others who have done the work and can instruct you to replicate their results.  Being a commitment to life-long learning is the first step toward mastery.

2.  SURRENDER – Trust the process.  Many celebrities appear to be ‘naturals’ or ‘blessed’ when in reality they spent many years learning, being coached, and working to achieve the level of ‘talent’ they seem to effortlessly demonstrate.

3.  PRACTICE –  Be a beginner and practice, practice, practice to generate the outcomes you want.  As Barbara Fagan says, “There is no substitute for discipline and persistence.”

4.  INTENTIONALITY – Be intentional to create the success you want.  Decide, declare, and take committed action. This includes being clear about your purpose and vision – why does being masterful in _______ matter to you?  Hire a coach – they see what you cannot see about yourself and partner with you towards breaking through to the next level as you move towards mastery.

Any journey begins with the first step, what first step will you to take today?
By Tommy Ruff
 

Have You Eaten Your Frog Today?

Frogs Are the Breakfast for Success!

During one of our recent SPT company calls, Barbara mentioned “eating the frog.” Personally, I had never heard this before and I actually thought she was referring to some wonderful delicacy she enjoyed on her recent trip to Greece. I had no other context to connect to eating a frog — other than literally eating a frog!. What a great awakening I received — and a new tool. I love tools/practices that support me in creating what I want in my life. And I am sure you do too! I assert we all want to create the life we want AND to do it with ease.

So, for those of you who, like I, had not known about eating the frog as a productivity practice, here is the idea as shared in Brain Tracy’s book Eat That Frog

Eat the Frog!

Your ability to select your most important task at each moment, and then to start on that task and get it done both quickly and well, will probably have more of an impact on your success than any other quality or skill you can develop!

An old saying is that “If the first thing you do each morning is to eat a live frog, you can go through the day with the satisfaction of knowing that that is probably the worst thing that is going to happen to you all day long!” Your “FROG” is the one you are most likely to procrastinate on if you don’t do something about it now! It is also the one task that can have the greatest positive impact on your life and results at the moment.

It’ an interesting concept. In my experience, the most important task frequently is a pretty big task. Which meant to me that if I did that one first, very little would get checked off my list of tasks for the day — that one would consume my time. Could “eating the frog” really increase my productivity? Could I really get more done in less time? Including things that were also important for me? And with less stress?

So — practical, mechanical me — let’s test this out. I surely had several tasks ranking “important” and also tasks I believed were “challenging” (aka outside my comfort zone).

Test Day 1: With a big gulp — just as I would imagine I would do with eating a real frog — I stepped into the task that was critical to be done that day and that I had been procrastinating in doing. I found my FROG! And two and one-half hours later, it was complete! And because having it complete was so incredibly energizing, I took on my next “frog” and still got to many of the other items on my list. I was amazed.

I continued this test and am in the process of it becoming my daily practice. My gulps are getting easier, and the frogs are getting tastier!

Brian Tracy adds “If you have to eat two frogs, eat the ugliest one first!” This is another way of saying that if you have two important tasks before you, start with the biggest, hardest, and most important task first. Discipline yourself to begin immediately and then to persist until the task is complete before you go on to something else.

As a multi-tasker at heart, that was an additional challenge for me — persist until the task is complete. This was clearly what allowed me to get my first frog eaten in the two and one-half hours versus over the course of an entire day. Which of course would have been a day full of “I have to get this done!” stress-promoting conversation.

One final quote from Brian, “If you have to eat a live frog, it does not pay to sit and look at it for a very long time!”

Eating the frog is a practice/habit to take on, starting right now:

What are the “frogs” on your plate right now?
Which one is the ugliest? Next ugliest?
What will having them complete create for you?
Declare this as your new Personal Practice!

By Ginny Carter, Business Development Administrative Director

 

Athens – The Cradle of Civilization

Taking a vacation to Athens August 5, 2010 was declared over a year before the date with Deana Riley, Mary Golly and Lou Dozier. Little did I know at the time the changes that would occur from that declaration until the date of departure. As we have shared with the launch of Source Point Training, we have been busy to say the least.

Oh, I certainly had a conversation with myself about being away from Source Point Training, the team, and all of the exciting preparations for our upcoming trainings, and just taking some down time. But the opportunity to celebrate my friend Deana Riley’s passage to the big 50, and being with my buddy (and now business partner) Lou, opened up many new possibilities. I quickly realized that Greece was the place to be.

And it was wonderful to have Mary Golly, Senior Flight Attendant for US Airways, take us on a tour of her homeland and so wonderful to have her speak for us. She was the ideal travel planner and guide. We even discussed with her a new business opportunity as we were sitting on the steps below the Parthenon one afternoon having a late lunch of Greek Salad (soon to become a daily staple). We explored the opportunity that she should consider starting a business called Gollyvers Travels.

There is something very humbling about stepping into a country with such a history — again reminding us that we are a mere blip on the screen of life in the universe and how important it is to enjoy each moment. Inspired by the ruins of the Parthenon and the Acropolis, we found ourselves in many exciting and curious conversations with each other. We were not exactly the MaMa Mia tribe from the movie, but there were some similarities.

As always, there is learning from any real life experience. So once we had left Athens and took the boat to the famous island of Mykonos to stay with Mary’s cousin at her house, we were all in a new place of discovery. This would be Mary’s first visit to her cousin’s house on the island. We stepped off the ferry and looked around for our rental car pick up — no car. So we reviewed paperwork and began to realize we were at the “New” port and our car most probably would be at the “Old” port. We got on the local bus and soon found our car. Mary’s cousin came to guide us up the hill to the top of the island to her house. Well, this is NO tropical island as we have seen. But rather arid with MANY white houses with blue doors and shutters, perched atop hills all over the country side. So, up the hill we climbed in our little Ford Focus following Mary’s cousin driving confidently over the narrow, winding and bumpy hill, and all packed down with ladies luggage of four.

After lunch and off-loading our baggage, we hopped back into our little car to explore the village of Mykonos. We sat and watched the beginning of the sun set over the harbor, as well as all the tourists, in the evening heat, explore the many gift shops. Once again, as we had from the beginning, we acknowledged ourselves for choosing to take this time to be together and be renewed, as we shared and listened to where each of us were.

As the sun set, we left the village and began our trip back to Mary’s cousin’s house perched atop the hills. We were looking forward to dinner with Mary’s cousin and friends celebrating a birthday. We were confident as we began to see landmarks on our way back that reminded us we were doing a great job of navigating the new terrain in the dark countryside. Up and down the narrow bumpy road with little hills and valleys, we traveled until we came to THE HILL. This was one that we had remembered from the afternoon and we had been warned about. The navigation, the preparation and the ultimate success of getting home depended on navigating this final steep hill. As Mary accelerated the car, I sat in the front shotgun seat excitedly encouraging her to “throttle” it. As we were just about to the crest of the hill, we began to stall out losing ground and sliding backwards. We stopped and set the break. With Mary and I working together, Mary downshifted and slowly accelerated while I released the emergency brake, with the hope of gaining traction AND momentum all at the same time to get us to the top. Once again, we stalled and began to slide. This is when we looked at choices and possibilities. Well, we did not have the luggage from the afternoon so we knew we were lighter and we knew we had done it before so we believed it was possible to get to the top. So what; NOW what??!!! Mary and I looked to the back seat where Lou and Deana sat with apprehensive faces. We must lighten our load. “Deana, Lou out. Start walking to the top,” I said, “And stay to the side!” We didn’t want to injure our compadres in the drive to the top.

Once again – set the break – downshifted – accelerated – released the break – stall – slide. AGAIN, set break – downshifted – accelerate – released break – stall – slide. Looking up, we see a large Mercedes SUV coming down the hill. He sees our distress and sits and watches. Deana of course goes to the man driving and enrolls him in helping us. We are clear at this point that we do not have the skills to get our little Ford Focus up the hill without someone with greater skills and knowledge of this hill.

Mary stepped out and turned the wheel over to him and got in the back seat. I, of course, do not have the legs to climb this hill so as the last passenger left in the car; I sat quietly and wished for his success. After two attempts and some burning of rubber on the road, we bounced forward with a great force and began to gain traction. We got to a flat spot and immediately felt a sense of relief. Deana and Lou jumped into the car of our savior – we did not trust ourselves one more time to climb this hill. And now feeling completely disoriented from the landmarks we relied on Deana and Lou as the foot soldiers to point out in the dark where the house was at the top of the hill. We continued to climb with our pilot driving confidently.

THE MORAL TO THE STORY

When in uncharted territory, be sure that you have your landmarks to guide you. Always return before sundown.

Take off your sunglasses after dark. It will help you be a better navigator.

Know when to accelerate and plan for the hills ahead. Understand that when it is time to take a hill, planning and powering up is essential to reach the top.

When in breakdown, work as a team and use all your resources.

Don’t panic. Look at new possibilities.

Trust the universe to provide the resources required at the most difficult time.

Be willing to give up your seat and lighten the load for others to move forward.

Acknowledge and celebrate successes when you reach the top and remember all that you have learned on the climb.

Eat- Pray – Love as the book shares. Once we reached the top and had shared our story, we met many new friends who were excited to hear about our adventures. And while Lou was sitting next to the honored birthday guest she was presented with his worry beads that he had used for over 20 years and which had been given to him as a gift. Now we will have even more resources to use in future challenges. 

And who was the most excited about seeing in the daylight what we had transcended the night before, Mary and Deana. They were ready to hike the hill up and down, seeing in the light of day that it was not that daunting and all we needed was to have been able to see more clearly (sunglasses off!) where we were and to anticipate the need to accelerate and keep the peddle down.

On any climb in life, I will always remember these principles as they are a metaphor in dealing with many different and new situations.

Barbara Fagan, President & Co-Founder

 

What are You Committed To?

What Are You Committed To? – How to Turn Your Wish List into Reality

Commitment is such a serious word. Do you ever notice yourself getting a little on edge when someone uses “that word?” Does it make you a little nervous? Does it give you a feeling of dread?

The third leg of the Three-Legged Stool to Building Solid Relationships, taught in Certified Relationship Coach Training, is “commitment.” We have all probably experienced some level of commitment, from marriage vows, to work-related contracts, to “promises” we’ve made. So what does “commitment” really mean and how does it truly show-up in our lives and relationships?

A first question to explore is “What am I committed to?” which is different than saying “What do I want?” For many people, it’s pretty easy to make a wish list of “our wants.” That list may serve as a nice and gentle reminder, but that’s all it is: a list.

Here’s an example: If you are an Amazon.com user, you may have an online “Wish List” noting your “wants.” Obviously, they remain on that “wish list” until you or someone actually purchases the product, and makes it a reality for you and it arrives at your doorstep. That commitment is making a purchase, which results in you receiving what you want.

Only when we move from wants and wishes to a commitment (in the Amazon example, a purchase), do we begin to see and experience real results. We may desire or want many things but only from commitment will we create what we say we want.

Commitment is getting clear about intention and is a promise to honor our word, to ourselves and to others. It also requires seeing and understanding what is underneath our beliefs, attitudes and assumptions that may get in the way when we’re reluctant to commit, or when we do commit and break our word. The good news is (we believe) that all humans are born whole and complete; with qualities and “ways of being” that allows us to be our authentic selves. Unfortunately, we’ve learned ways to unconsciously begin to create beliefs about who we are and who we are not. Those beliefs create patterns that impact how we see and experience commitment. Understanding these patterns can help us begin to do things differently, especially around commitment.

Broken promises or commitments in relationships are well-known as a path to breaking trust, which impacts communication (the two other legs of the stool). Breaking the same promises or commitments with ourselves is even more critical. If we are not willing to keep commitments with ourselves, (eating healthy, arriving on time, adjusting an attitude, exercising on schedule, etc.), then how difficult will it be to keep our word with others, no matter the relationship?

In Certified Relationship Coach Training, you will learn to experience “commitment” in a new way that leaves you on the edge of excitement, not dread. You will explore more about the Three-Legged Stool and learn tools and skills that will help you coach relationships, as well as grow in your relationship with yourself. Like Lou said last week, knowing more about commitment, trust and communication will keep your stool stable, and not wobbly.

Respectfully,
Lou Dozier, Co-Founder, Source Point Training

Relentless Stand for People

Lou Dozier, SpeakerWhy am I so passionate and committed to people living the life they love? What is it that has me be unrelenting in standing for people to take their lives on to the next level?

What came to me was the stand that my parents took for me.

My parents escaped from Russia during World War II and managed to immigrate, against all odds, to the United States when I was five-years-old. They were in their early 40’s, and more than anything, they wanted their children to experience “the land of milk and honey.” The commitment that they demonstrated was beyond belief, even considering that their level of trust (although understandable) was minimal and communication was challenging (Their Russian to English translations left a lot to be desired!). So I experienced a very wobbly relationship with them for many years until I truly came to realize the extraordinary stand they took. They were willing to do whatever it took, so that I could have a better life. So, how can I not be a powerful stand for others?

There were many lessons I learned and events I experienced as a result of my parent’s relentless commitment to live in America. As years have gone by, my “wobbly-ness” has turned into great gratitude.

In Certified Relationship Coach Training, we study the three-legged stool concept — commitment, trust and communication — which relationships need in order to be balanced, and not wobbly. We also take on being in ownership as well as embracing all events that have occurred in our lives. These are all critical ingredients to live the life you love. And when you have that, you’re in your very own “land of milk and honey.”

Respectfully,
Lou Dozier, Co-Founder, Source Point Training

 

How well do You Listen?

How Well Do You Listen? – The Art of Deep Listening

What if you could improve your relationships just by listening better? Listening to others is 80% of all communication; so clearly, listening skills are critical to our relationships. The Art of Deep Listening is about tuning in to what we are hearing. Although we hear with our ears, we don’t often listen with our hearts. Our self-talk is racing ahead to form responses or getting ready to interrupt with our own story, instead of deeply listening and connecting to their words. If we really listened and connected consistently, our relationships would reflect the same deep connections.

The Art of Deep Listening teaches us to put our own thoughts and agenda aside, while we intently take in and really hear the words, as well as feel the “energy” of the individual. It’s about connecting and really caring instead of giving them the “ole’ nod ‘n smile,” while our minds are at work on something else. Listening at this level, means we give up the focus on ourselves or our own thoughts and fully, with intention, focus on what the speaker is saying. We set aside our own thoughts and stories and engage deeply and meaningfully.

By deeply listening, we are accepting the speaker and what they have to say, even though their values, beliefs and agendas may be very different from our own. It’s a very powerful way of acknowledging and respecting others. Imagine a time when someone truly listened to what you had to say. How did that make you feel? By listening with our hearts we more deeply connect with individuals and experience improved relationships within our families, social circles and profession, as well as our community and world.

In Certified Relationship Coach Training, you learn how to coach people to build intentional relationships through trust, commitment and communication, as well as many other techniques, tools and skills.

Respectfully,
Barbara Fagan & Lou Dozier, Co-Founders